Fresh and Raw

I am like an old detuned guitar. My strings have gone out of tune and rusty, in the brink of breaking up. But now,  I have been restringed and polished by friends who have been aware of my woes and worries. Friends who have always seen me for what I am and not who they want me to be or could have been.

All my strings are still loose, but with a little help from my friends, the strings will gradually tighten up and eventually play the beautiful chords and melodies of life. Tuning up my life has never been easy, but the consonances and dissonances are what gives texture and depth to the music of my life.

Now I’m ready once again. Bring in the audience! Start the music! I shall make you dance with ecstasy!

Hello again. It’s two days before the New Year comes. Just two days to go until we finally let go of the past year, and with it, the good and bad memories that we’ve had. It’s been a while since I ventured in the small world of my blog. But there is something I have to say to someone.

They say that the New Year is the event in which we must face the incoming future and have one final look back at the past. They also probably mean that any unfinished business that you have before the New Year comes must be settled so that you can start the New Year with a clear mind and conscience.

I have hurt someone very close to me. She’s always been trying to understand me and has always been a true friend. She has her own ways of showing me the way she sees things in this world and I admit sometimes I misunderstand her ways but maybe that’s just the way I am sometimes. Our friendship is one of the best things that ever happened to me. But what did I do? I almost always made her cry and hurt her. I know she hates me right now for something that I did . But I did what has to be done and I know she did the same. But fate can be absolutely cruel sometimes so much so that it does not agree with me no matter what I do.

My wish is for better things to come this coming New Year. I wish that this series of unfortunate events would stop happening. And for everyone to find true happiness in them.

I’ve always been grateful for the friendship that you’ve given me and I really appreciate everything that you’ve done. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry… for everything that I’ve put you through.

Katulad nga ng title… wala lang.

Sulit ang pagligo sa ulan
Ang pagsugod sa baha
Ang kwentuhan sa terminal
At ang pagtulog sa bus

Ngunit lalo pang nasiyahan
Nang ika’y muling nasilayan

At nakita ang iyong kasiyahan
Talagang hindi ko malilimutan
Ang ating mga pinagsamahan
Kahit pa bumulusok ang buwan
Sa dulo ng karimlan

Ako’y nandito lamang
Ika’y iingatan.

A short story by Diwa de Leon

"Death by hanging!" bellowed a low masculine voice as the pounding of a wooden mallet echoed throughout the courtroom. "But your honor, the suspect hasn’t even pleaded guilty yet!" said a middle-aged man around forty. "He is guilty! I know it! Just look at him, I can see guilt right in his own two eyes!" said the judge. "But I as the suspect’s defense lawyer have brought sufficient evidence to prove his innonence, and I will present it to the court now." said the middle-aged man again whom we shall now call as the lawyer.

The lawyer presented the evidence in front of the jury and all those present in the courtroom. Even the prosecution lawyer was entirely convinced that the suspect was innocent. And so the lawyer asked the judge once again, "And now your honor, what is your judgement?", and the judge said "Guilty!" "What?!" exclaimed the lawyer. The judge continued "Still guilty! I tell you, I know a guilty man when I see him. Even as he entered this courtroom, I can already sense an air of guilt in him. He is guilty whether you like it or not! I am the judge and therefore I will be the one who decides this mans fate! He is already guilty for me even before this trial began."

The whole courtroom murmured in commotion. "Is this a mockery? The evidence is clear and concise and it downright proves his innocence!" "NO! HE IS GUILTY! I do not believe in your evidence, I am the judge and my opinion is what matters! What anyone else thinks is futile!" And the judge stood from his chair, pulled a gun from his pocket much to the audience’s horror. He pointed the gun at the suspect and pulled the trigger. The suspect died instantly.

You are the judge, I am the victim.

As of today, I will cease on updating my blog indefinitely. Thanks for reading.

I was born with a WarCraft point of view on things. I always see things in the bigger picture most of the time. A top view / bird’s eye viewpoint. This is my strength. I excel at leading, organizing and arranging things with a wide scope. It’s always been the bigger picture that I always look at. Micro-managing things and re-organizing them the way I see fit is what I do best. This is my gift, and my curse at the same time.

Why?

Because I fail to see the smaller things that for some people are more important than the bigger picture. I’ve had so many misunderstandings in the past with a very close friend of mine because I overlooked the small things that were actually more important to her than the bigger picture. This is the curse that I’ve been given.

But if I might be able to cure this curse and see things in a new perspective. Then perhaps maybe I won’t overlook the small, important things again.

I will cure this curse. I will!

I’ve been feeling highly regretful the past few days. That’s because I just came from a painful experience in which I almost lost someone who is very important to me. I have learned so many lessons but I had to learn them the hard way.

This experience really rattled the very foundations of my own self-confidence. I was totally so shaken and became utterly helpless and pathetic I got so confused with everything. But this had to happen for me to realize what went wrong. To finally realize, the hard way, all the mistakes that I did in the past and how each of them affected this friendship.

Now I’m picking up the pieces from which I left, hopefully I can put them back together as before. Damage has been done, but believe any damage can be fixed in time. I just want the good ol’ happy days to happen again. But this time around, things will be different, for the better.

It will be. And by the way, I’m just here… always.

Trapped. Walking endlessly inside a dark and tight tunnel. Good thing I’m not claustrophobic or I might have trembled to death. After travelling like what seemed an eternity, there at the distant end of the tunnel, like a tiny star in the sky, a tiny flicker of light. I can escape from this foul tunnel after all if I just go on walking and walking towards this tiny glint of hope.

And I shall.

Define priceless.

Something that you can’t live without. That’s my definition anyway. You see I have something priceless in my possesion. A symbol of a recent era of my life. An era I will never, ever forget happened to me. An era of joyful memories and happy moments. How I wish it were still happening today, but sadly fate has other plans.

That era has long been gone, but this priceless possesion stands as a symbol that will always remind me how happy that era has made me. An era full of trust and understanding. How I wish it was still around, or perhaps someday it will come again. Only time will tell.

I’ll always be here… just here.